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Lina has a gift and has an impact on a lot of families. Many of whom she will never see, but will remember her writing long after we depart the fleeting bonds of life on earth.
-- Manju, as published in India Tribune Opinions on January 11, 2003
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Guys, Please Learn How To Break Up With Girls

I was talking to some of the guys I know in my life that I have known while growing up, and they are all happy and married now, but we were laughing at how when they were younger, they all had girlfriends for long periods of time for no other reason than they did not know how to break up with them. We concluded that a lot of Indian guys in the 30-40 age range simply never learned how to break up with girls. Probably because our generation before did not have to do that, or maybe did not have the option to do that. The result was relationships that drew out way longer than they should have and often ill-feelings developed in the end when the girl was expecting that marriage was just around the corner and the guy was usually thinking, “no way, Jose” on that topic.

It is a little sad when you think we are in America where relationships are sometimes a bit disposable until you are in one that “is a keeper”. This is a skill that you would think American guys would naturally have. But I guess growing up with parents that were likely commanded to be together without any option of assertion otherwise, it makes sense that guys simply do not know what to do if they are in a relationship that they do not really want to be in.

So, in order to help our community and all the ladies out there that are dealing with Indian guys in this age bracket, I have compiled a short tutorial and template that guys can use too effectively break up with a girl.

Firstly, please let me say that sitting around in a relationship and avoiding phone calls is not going to result in a woman getting a hint and just sort of going away. Secondly, this process is not necessarily going to be pleasant, but in 48 hours, you will feel so much better.

You can start the interaction off with saying something like “I have something serious that I need to talk to you about.” This will prompt the woman that something bad is likely coming. No good conversation starts with those words and most women inherently know this. Then keep it short and brace yourself beforehand for a flux of emotions, maybe tears, maybe anger. Just know that it may be coming and prepare yourself not to allow your actions to be influenced by those emotions. Then you can say something like, “I think you are a great girl, but when it comes to me and you, I just feel we are not compatible for one another and I think it is best that we both move on in our lives separate from one another.”

Then get off the phone as gently and as fast as you can and do not interact with the girl until enough time passes where her emotions subside. You will soon feel a great weight off your shoulders and then from this point on, do not jump into a relationship without knowing that the relationship is right for you. This knowledge comes from experience and reflect on your past relationship and identify what you do NOT want through this experience, and do not repeat your choices with the next woman that enters your life.

Women have emotions and it is not fair to play with them if you are not sure about what you want. At least be upfront from the beginning that you are a bit unsure of what you are looking for in life so that the woman knows that there is a chance that you may reveal yourself to be a flake and it does not come as a complete shock. It is ok guys, if you are a flake, embrace it, many Indian guys are, and most Indian girls know this about guys from our culture.

That is what I would advise any young man close to me to do, and I believe this is better than stringing women along that are not right and sitting in relationships for long periods of time that should not draw out so long in the first place. This has been a public service announcement.

Resources

Some other interesting readings ...
Same Sex Love In India

This book details the interesting topic of same-sex relationships in Indian literature and artwork throughout history.

Southeast Asian Designs

Though clip-art can get old, this bit of clip art must be in every Indian desktop publisher's library!

English Gujarati Dictionary

I am in search of the perfect language aid in my quest to learn Gujarati, however in the meantime, a translation dictionary is most handy!